Vertical Tabs Reader Choose Stylesheet TAPAS GenericTEI BoilerplateXML ViewToggle Soft WrapToggle Invisibles<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?> <?xml-model href="http://www.tei-c.org/release/xml/tei/custom/schema/relaxng/tei_ms.rng" type="application/xml" schematypens="http://relaxng.org/ns/structure/1.0" ?> <?xml-model href="http://www.tei-c.org/release/xml/tei/custom/schema/relaxng/tei_ms.rng" type="application/xml" schematypens="http://purl.oclc.org/dsdl/schematron" ?> <!-- <?xml-model href="file:/Users/kaileyfukushima/Desktop/Schematron/CraikValidate.sch" type="application/xml" schematypens="http://purl.oclc.org/dsdl/schematron"?> --> <!--<?xml-model href="../../Desktop/CraikSiteIndex/CraikValidate.sch" type="application/xml" schematypens="http://purl.oclc.org/dsdl/schematron"?> --> <?xml-model href="file:/Users/Me/Desktop/Schematron/CraikValidate.sch" type="application/xml" schematypens="http://purl.oclc.org/dsdl/schematron"?> <TEI xmlns="http://www.tei-c.org/ns/1.0"> <teiHeader> <fileDesc> <titleStmt> <title> Letter from <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#DMC">Dinah Mulock Craik</persName> to <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#MulockBen">Benjamin Mulock</persName>, <date when="1855-12-24">December 24 1855</date> </title> <author ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#DMC">Dinah Mulock Craik</author> <editor ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#BourrierKaren">Karen Bourrier</editor> <sponsor> <orgName>Dinah Mulock Craik: A Digital Archive</orgName> </sponsor> <sponsor>University of Calgary</sponsor> <principal>Karen Bourrier</principal> <respStmt> <resp>Transcription <date when="2020-07">July 2020</date> by </resp> <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#WongKiana">Kiana Wong</persName> </respStmt> <respStmt> <resp>Proofing of transcription <date when="2020-08">August 2020</date> by </resp> <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#JarmulaSonia">Sonia Jarmula</persName> </respStmt> <respStmt> <resp>TEI encoding <date when="2020-07">July 2020</date> by </resp> <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#WongKiana">Kiana Wong</persName> </respStmt> <respStmt> <resp>Proofing of TEI encoding <date when="2020-08">August 2020</date> by </resp> <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#JarmulaSonia">Sonia Jarmula</persName> </respStmt> </titleStmt> <editionStmt> <edition> First digital edition in TEI, date: <date when="2020-07">July 2020.</date> P5. </edition> </editionStmt> <publicationStmt> <authority>Dinah Mulock Craik: A Digital Archive</authority> <pubPlace>Calgary, Alberta, Canada</pubPlace> <date>2020</date> <availability> <p>Reproduced by courtesy of the <placeName>University of California at Los Angeles </placeName>.</p> <licence>Distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License</licence> </availability> </publicationStmt> <seriesStmt> <title>Dinah Mulock Craik: A Digital Archive</title> </seriesStmt> <sourceDesc> <msDesc> <msIdentifier> <institution>University of California at Los Angeles</institution> <repository>Charles E. Young Research Library</repository> <collection>Mulock Family Papers</collection> <idno>846</idno> </msIdentifier> <head> Letter from <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#DMC">Dinah Mulock Craik</persName> to <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#MulockBen">Benjamin Mulock</persName>, <date when="1855-12-24">December 24 1855</date> </head> <additional> <adminInfo> <note>Box 1, Folder 8</note> </adminInfo> </additional> </msDesc> </sourceDesc> </fileDesc> <encodingDesc> <editorialDecl> <p> Our aim in this edition has been to transcribe the content of the letters as accurately as possible without reproducing the physical appearance of the manuscript. Craik’s spelling, punctuation, underlining, superscripts, abbreviations, additions and deletions are retained, except for words which are hyphenated at the end of a line, which we have silently emended. Where Craik uses a non-standard spelling, we have encoded both her spelling and the standard Oxford English Dictionary spelling to facilitate searching. The long s is not encoded. </p> </editorialDecl> </encodingDesc> </teiHeader> <text> <body> <div type="letter"> <opener> <dateline> <placeName/> <date when="1855-12-24">Sunday – 24 – <choice> <abbr>Dec.</abbr> <expan>December</expan> </choice>– 1855</date> </dateline> <salute>My dearest <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#MulockBen" >Ben</persName></salute> </opener> <p>You were quite right & very good to tell <rs type="person" ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#DMC">Sister</rs> the worst. She doesn’t mind. She isn’t afraid. She will help you to bear anything. I felt sure your eyes would be worse after getting that letter. Don’t you see, it is your nervous temperament – which insists upon them. This just shows it – as lots of facts have shown before – you must not expect the slightest change in them for a long while. If you have sight enough to write & read a letter - & go about - all right – we must be very glad & thankful for even that. We know – as far as we can know – that in all human probability they <hi rend="underline">will not</hi>get worse - you <hi rend="underline">will not</hi>lose your sight. At least that is what I understood from you of the doctor’s opinion – And you have before you the first of the young man who was cured. – The present is an unbearable evil which we must bear & make the best of - but please God we need not be afraid of the future - I am not - you must give water cure a fair trial – For <unclear>Mabeth’s</unclear> <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#LaneEdward">Dr Lane</persName> told me - was a short trial, after long standing ailments - & you have not tried it for three yet. – You shall try it for a year if necessary - live a wholesome sanitary life for a year – a thing you never did since you were born – You have played me very – <unclear>shy</unclear> with your constitution <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#MulockBen">Ben</persName> – & so have I - but it’s not too late to mend - you musn’t expect Nature to do more than she can do – poor ill-used soul – I don’t. – Give her fair play. – We have plenty of money between us – about circular notes I’ll write presently – to hold out for a long time yet – Think how much worse off we might have been. – And by steady dogged perseverance – stopping when my head won’t work, & going on when it will – <title corresp="CraikSiteIndex.xml#JohnHalifaxGentleman">John</title> gets on step by step – & will be done in time. Then you know I need not work for at least a year nor you either. – Only that I do believe if only you have sight enough for it – you would be better & happier with a little surveying to do – It would keep you from thinking – save you from your own company – perhaps help you to get well. – Since you & I both know that there is much more wrong with our minds than our bodies – & if we look after the first the second will look after itself pretty well. – Of course it’s no use conning ourselves that this is a jolly <rs type="event" ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#Christmas"><choice> <abbr>Xmas</abbr> <expan>Christmas</expan> </choice></rs> - it isn’t – but it might have <mod type="subst"><del rend="overwrite"><gap quantity="1" unit="word"/></del><add place="inline" >been</add></mod> worse. I might have been as I was last year – unable to walk the street’s length – Now I can walk to <placeName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#KensalGreen">Kensal Green</placeName> & back. – You might have been wretched at home with no money to go abroad – nor to get advice for your eyes – no prospect of work in the spring – no nice Albisbrunn with <unclear>mankind</unclear> to play blindman’s-buff - & young pairs to look at. – & no <rs type="person" ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#DMC">Sister</rs> to love you better than a dozen <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#MiersJulia">Julias</persName> – Don’t you see how many <hi rend="underline">compensations</hi> you have? – You must look to them, <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#MulockBen">Ben</persName>. You <hi rend="underline">must not</hi> give in – It’s “unworthy a man & a Briton” – I know you won’t give in. I know it was only the first desponding - which is awful to bear – But it passes away. – In what you say about <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#MiersJulia">Julia</persName> you mistake. She <hi rend="underline">is</hi> to blame – Any thoroughly noble-hearted woman would say so. – And what you say about it’s being too late is </p> <p>the fault your own – is a mistake too – It is not your fault – Any girl who ever could have loved you, or deserved your love, would have loved you after all your letters home – and after your coming home this year. You did every single thing you could do – If she had really been the girl I thought she was growing into, & the girl I truly loved last year – she never would have even first engaged – or then have broken it. – She would have broken it, whether or no. – I’ll tell you what I never have told you because it was no business of mine & you wouldn’t have believed it either – but I’ll tell you a conversation we had that night at <placeName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#Gravesend">Gravesend</placeName> – She said first “that she doesn’t see the use of your being engaged - that it made <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#MulockBen">Ben</persName> no happier & only fretted her – Also - what was the good of people being engaged unless they could be immediately married” – I usually suggested that they might comfort & love <add place="above">one</add> another – “No” – she said – “not unless they were always together – People changed so when they were absent. She wanted a lover who would come to tea very often, & make love - & make himself agreeable – It was no use being engaged to somebody whom one rarely ever saw.” – I <unclear>hinted</unclear> something about love being good for both that could not stand absence – “well then she supposed her love for <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#MulockBen">Ben</persName> was not of the right sort - when he was present she felt very fond of him - but when he went away the love gradually went away too & she began to be occupied with other things – In fact - if she really went away she should most certainly break her engagement” – I felt downright sick at heart – also my love for her seemed to turn – because this sort of thing is so unworthy of any woman – speaking of any man that loved her, whether she liked him or no – and to his own sister likewise. – If she had been anybody else I should have told her a piece of my mind - but being <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#MiersJulia">Julia</persName> - I held my tongue. – Then we talked about <placeName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#Amberley">Amberley</placeName> & I told her all my reasons for going. She only said - “very well - but if we did go she should most certainly break her engagement - <unclear>For</unclear> she could not trust herself to keep true to any man whom she saw so little of – <unclear>Polly</unclear> had changed - & so might she.” – so of course I said no more but gave up <placeName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#Amberley" >Amberley</placeName>. – That was the real reason for my giving it up – I never told you. – But it made me very miserable for a long time - to think of all <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#MiersJulia">Julia</persName> said - you being ill & helpless & in terror of your sight – almost any girl who loved you only <add place="above">as</add> a friend would have kept to her engagement rather than have broken it in your trouble. – Don’t think me unjust – think how hard it was to keep all this in for after that night at <placeName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#Gravesend" >Gravesend</placeName> I never felt quite the same to her – she came out <add place="above">to me then</add> as a woman truly</p> <p><del rend="squiggles">comes out</del> to another woman – they don’t with men. – Not that I think she meant any worse or worse any worse than nine girls out of ten – She is very good & beautiful & conscientious – would make a capital wife - for an ordinary man. – But she is not the woman that a man like my <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#MulockBen">Ben</persName> ought to go & ruin his life for. – It would be wrong - it would be a sin - a sin toward God in the first place - towards <rs type="person" ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#DMC">his sister</rs>, & towards also the good women that do love him. – Forgive my telling you this – & my telling you about that talk at <placeName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#Gravesend" >Gravesend</placeName> - which I never meant to do – because of course you would not believe it & won’t now - but it is the truth. – almost word for word – for it was such a dreadful pain that I was not likely to forget it. – Also she seemed so perfectly <unclear>unconscious</unclear> that she was saying anything but what was quite right & good – why, <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#LovellMinna" >Minna</persName> or <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#MissJames" >Marian</persName> or <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#Annette" >Annette</persName> - or <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#MartinFrances">Fanny Martin</persName>, or <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#CraikGeorgiana">Georgie Craik</persName> or any of the thoroughly wantonly women which you know, would never have dreamed of saying such things of the most ordinary young man who ever took a fancy to them. – Don’t you see - <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#MulockBen" >Ben</persName>? Won’t your pride rise! Don’t be talking of “too late” - & it’s being your own fault – It is not. You did everything you could – & God knows I had to help you – to get the thing you wanted – which you could not have - & which – for you – is not right you should have – If you had married her - you would not have been happy half a year - unless you sunk to that lowest notion of happiness which I know you would not <unclear>lose</unclear> for – at least your better nature would not. Rise up my own <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#MulockBen">Ben</persName> – turn over a new leaf - this new year - try & control your mind - try & live for <rs type="person" ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#DMC">Sister</rs> & for all the rest of those that love you – not one of them but is glad & thankful that you are not going to marry <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#MiersJulia">Julia</persName> – everybody who saw her, said you were not suited for one another – that good as she was in her way - she did not deserve my <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#MulockBen" >Ben</persName> - & never could have made him really happy – or <add place="above">what is more</add> – have raised him & made him good – Try & think so. Try & love somebody who will. Or rather, first let love alone for a bit & take to friendship & duty & work. – It is not too late. Nothing is too late while you are alive. – Break a straggle - work & get out of your own company – it is not good for you – Here’s the introduction I spoke of – when you go to <placeName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#Lareto"><unclear>Lareto</unclear></placeName> deliver it - the gentleman is a nice friendly fellow & speaks English. If you were safe across the <placeName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#AlbisPass">Albis Pass</placeName> it might do you good to go late <unclear>Lurets</unclear> & have a little change sometimes. – You can walk a little now, I suppose. Is it very cold? I am afraid the snow will hurt your eyes – couldn’t you wear gauze spectacles – which <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#Cooper">Cooper</persName> told me you ought – & that gauze is better than a glass - black or blue gauze. – You could surely get them at <placeName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#Lareto" ><unclear>Lareto</unclear></placeName> – I am sure it would be a good idea – for the snow must dazzle so on your walks. Perhaps that is partly the cause of your eyes being worse. – It is so good of you to write as <unclear>plainly</unclear> as you do – & Ben you’ll forgive <rs type="person" ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#DMC">Sister</rs> if she has done the same, & especially if anything written vexed you – think how I love you – & how you are all my hope & all my pride – I know you will fight through – </p> <p> – <rs type="event" ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#Christmas">Christmas-day</rs> - I cannot send this till Wednesday, I find - on account of getting & sending the money – which will be only <measure type="currency">￡16</measure> – because there is no getting the other <measure type="currency">￡10</measure> for a week or two – but you shall have it then – Don’t ever talk about “trusting” – “all mine is thine - & thine is mine” – you know that – It has been a quiet rather sad <rs type="event" ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#Christmas"><choice> <abbr>Xmas</abbr> <expan>Christmas</expan> </choice></rs> – a pelting wet day. I slept at <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#LovellMinna">Minna</persName>’s last night – she was so grieved about your eyes – She & <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#MissJames" >May</persName> will write you on <rs type="event" ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#NewYears">New years day</rs> - they had not time this week. – I have had a good many <rs type="event" ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#Christmas"><choice> <abbr>Xmas</abbr> <expan>Christmas</expan> </choice></rs> letters - & little presents – <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#LovellMinna">Minna</persName> gave me colour & crafts & <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#MissJames">May</persName> a rag of her hair. – I fear my letter came before <rs type="event" ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#Christmas"><choice> <abbr>Xmas</abbr> <expan>Christmas</expan> </choice></rs> - & that this morning my <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#MulockBen">Ben</persName> had no <rs type="event" ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#Christmas"><choice> <abbr>Xmas</abbr> <expan>Christmas</expan> </choice></rs> letter – But <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#Peter" >Peter</persName> thought of this - very first thing - & tried to be hopeful about him - as indeed we ought to be – We have gone through so much that we need fear little – Anything is bearable so that you are not in <placeName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#Australia">Australia</placeName>. – Oh <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#MulockBen">Ben</persName>. Try & put this love away – & live for <rs type="person" ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#DMC">Sister</rs> – nobody can love you as she does – at least not till the right love comes – as it will come – a higher & happier love than ever you fancied in your youth. I am afraid I am prosy, & repeat things & bother you – but my mind is so full of you – you must forgive. – <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#Bessy">Bessy</persName> sends you <del rend="strikethrough">pa</del> paper – with great apparent pleasure & pride this <rs type="event" ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#Christmas"><choice> <abbr>Xmas</abbr> <expan>Christmas</expan> </choice></rs> morning. I had a sad letter from <rs type="person" ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#DobellEmily">Mrs Dobell</rs> – <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#DobellEdmund">Edmund</persName> sails for <placeName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#USA">America</placeName> on the 20<hi rend="superscript" >th</hi><choice> <abbr>Jan</abbr> <expan>January</expan> </choice> – & his mother may never see him again. It is a terrible blow to her – but she bears up. – They have a very sad & solemn <rs type="event" ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#Christmas"><choice> <abbr>Xmas</abbr> <expan>Christmas</expan> </choice></rs> at <placeName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#Detmore">Detmore</placeName> – Everybody almost seems in trouble this <rs type="event" ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#Christmas"><choice> <abbr>Xmas</abbr> <expan>Christmas</expan> </choice></rs> – we are but like the rest – But we shall get through – I do not feel hopeless or afraid. – I find my “religion” which you used to object to – my faith in God as Wholly Love – is stronger than ever & helps me through everything – I know it must be right. – Don’t you sometimes think - if - may be? I must run now - as time to go to the <orgName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#Marston">Marstons</orgName>. - Oh <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#MulockBen">Ben</persName> – <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#MulockBen">Ben</persName>, I could cry to think I shan’t see you opposite the table – But it’s best not - Perhaps next year - we may smile at the pains of this – Oh <persName ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#MulockBen">Ben</persName> do be a good-boy – & try to trust in God – & believe that all this trouble is for not best - just a part of your “education” - you know - & use it so - & turn out a noble fellow, everybody’s pride – & <rs type="person" ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#DMC">Sister</rs>'s most of all. – Who misses you - against your will - & wishes you a good <rs type="event" ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#Christmas"><choice> <abbr>Xmas</abbr> <expan>Christmas</expan> </choice></rs> & a happy <rs type="event" ref="CraikSiteIndex.xml#NewYears" >New Year</rs> – Yes - happy - for we know not what happiness may be coming in it. – </p> <p/> <p/> <closer> <salute/> <lb/> <lb/> <signed> <persName/> <!-- This letter was not signed --> </signed> <lb/> </closer> <postscript> <p/> </postscript> </div> </body> </text> </TEI> Hide page breaks Views diplomatic normalized Letter from Dinah Mulock Craik to Benjamin Mulock, December 24 1855 Dinah Mulock Craik Karen Bourrier Dinah Mulock Craik: A Digital Archive University of Calgary Karen Bourrier Transcription July 2020 by Kiana Wong Proofing of transcription August 2020 by Sonia Jarmula TEI encoding July 2020 by Kiana Wong Proofing of TEI encoding August 2020 by Sonia Jarmula First digital edition in TEI, date: July 2020. P5. Dinah Mulock Craik: A Digital Archive Calgary, Alberta, Canada 2020 Reproduced by courtesy of the University of California at Los Angeles . Distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License Dinah Mulock Craik: A Digital Archive University of California at Los Angeles Charles E. Young Research Library Mulock Family Papers 846 Letter from Dinah Mulock Craik to Benjamin Mulock, December 24 1855 Box 1, Folder 8 Our aim in this edition has been to transcribe the content of the letters as accurately as possible without reproducing the physical appearance of the manuscript. Craik’s spelling, punctuation, underlining, superscripts, abbreviations, additions and deletions are retained, except for words which are hyphenated at the end of a line, which we have silently emended. Where Craik uses a non-standard spelling, we have encoded both her spelling and the standard Oxford English Dictionary spelling to facilitate searching. The long s is not encoded. Sunday – 24 – Dec. December – 1855 My dearest Ben You were quite right & very good to tell Sister the worst. She doesn’t mind. She isn’t afraid. She will help you to bear anything. I felt sure your eyes would be worse after getting that letter. Don’t you see, it is your nervous temperament – which insists upon them. This just shows it – as lots of facts have shown before – you must not expect the slightest change in them for a long while. If you have sight enough to write & read a letter - & go about - all right – we must be very glad & thankful for even that. We know – as far as we can know – that in all human probability they will notget worse - you will notlose your sight. At least that is what I understood from you of the doctor’s opinion – And you have before you the first of the young man who was cured. – The present is an unbearable evil which we must bear & make the best of - but please God we need not be afraid of the future - I am not - you must give water cure a fair trial – For Mabeth’s Dr Lane told me - was a short trial, after long standing ailments - & you have not tried it for three yet. – You shall try it for a year if necessary - live a wholesome sanitary life for a year – a thing you never did since you were born – You have played me very – shy with your constitution Ben – & so have I - but it’s not too late to mend - you musn’t expect Nature to do more than she can do – poor ill-used soul – I don’t. – Give her fair play. – We have plenty of money between us – about circular notes I’ll write presently – to hold out for a long time yet – Think how much worse off we might have been. – And by steady dogged perseverance – stopping when my head won’t work, & going on when it will – John gets on step by step – & will be done in time. Then you know I need not work for at least a year nor you either. – Only that I do believe if only you have sight enough for it – you would be better & happier with a little surveying to do – It would keep you from thinking – save you from your own company – perhaps help you to get well. – Since you & I both know that there is much more wrong with our minds than our bodies – & if we look after the first the second will look after itself pretty well. – Of course it’s no use conning ourselves that this is a jolly Xmas Christmas - it isn’t – but it might have been worse. I might have been as I was last year – unable to walk the street’s length – Now I can walk to Kensal Green & back. – You might have been wretched at home with no money to go abroad – nor to get advice for your eyes – no prospect of work in the spring – no nice Albisbrunn with mankind to play blindman’s-buff - & young pairs to look at. – & no Sister to love you better than a dozen Julias – Don’t you see how many compensations you have? – You must look to them, Ben. You must not give in – It’s “unworthy a man & a Briton” – I know you won’t give in. I know it was only the first desponding - which is awful to bear – But it passes away. – In what you say about Julia you mistake. She is to blame – Any thoroughly noble-hearted woman would say so. – And what you say about it’s being too late is the fault your own – is a mistake too – It is not your fault – Any girl who ever could have loved you, or deserved your love, would have loved you after all your letters home – and after your coming home this year. You did every single thing you could do – If she had really been the girl I thought she was growing into, & the girl I truly loved last year – she never would have even first engaged – or then have broken it. – She would have broken it, whether or no. – I’ll tell you what I never have told you because it was no business of mine & you wouldn’t have believed it either – but I’ll tell you a conversation we had that night at Gravesend – She said first “that she doesn’t see the use of your being engaged - that it made Ben no happier & only fretted her – Also - what was the good of people being engaged unless they could be immediately married” – I usually suggested that they might comfort & love one another – “No” – she said – “not unless they were always together – People changed so when they were absent. She wanted a lover who would come to tea very often, & make love - & make himself agreeable – It was no use being engaged to somebody whom one rarely ever saw.” – I hinted something about love being good for both that could not stand absence – “well then she supposed her love for Ben was not of the right sort - when he was present she felt very fond of him - but when he went away the love gradually went away too & she began to be occupied with other things – In fact - if she really went away she should most certainly break her engagement” – I felt downright sick at heart – also my love for her seemed to turn – because this sort of thing is so unworthy of any woman – speaking of any man that loved her, whether she liked him or no – and to his own sister likewise. – If she had been anybody else I should have told her a piece of my mind - but being Julia - I held my tongue. – Then we talked about Amberley & I told her all my reasons for going. She only said - “very well - but if we did go she should most certainly break her engagement - For she could not trust herself to keep true to any man whom she saw so little of – Polly had changed - & so might she.” – so of course I said no more but gave up Amberley. – That was the real reason for my giving it up – I never told you. – But it made me very miserable for a long time - to think of all Julia said - you being ill & helpless & in terror of your sight – almost any girl who loved you only as a friend would have kept to her engagement rather than have broken it in your trouble. – Don’t think me unjust – think how hard it was to keep all this in for after that night at Gravesend I never felt quite the same to her – she came out to me then as a woman truly comes out to another woman – they don’t with men. – Not that I think she meant any worse or worse any worse than nine girls out of ten – She is very good & beautiful & conscientious – would make a capital wife - for an ordinary man. – But she is not the woman that a man like my Ben ought to go & ruin his life for. – It would be wrong - it would be a sin - a sin toward God in the first place - towards his sister, & towards also the good women that do love him. – Forgive my telling you this – & my telling you about that talk at Gravesend - which I never meant to do – because of course you would not believe it & won’t now - but it is the truth. – almost word for word – for it was such a dreadful pain that I was not likely to forget it. – Also she seemed so perfectly unconscious that she was saying anything but what was quite right & good – why, Minna or Marian or Annette - or Fanny Martin, or Georgie Craik or any of the thoroughly wantonly women which you know, would never have dreamed of saying such things of the most ordinary young man who ever took a fancy to them. – Don’t you see - Ben? Won’t your pride rise! Don’t be talking of “too late” - & it’s being your own fault – It is not. You did everything you could – & God knows I had to help you – to get the thing you wanted – which you could not have - & which – for you – is not right you should have – If you had married her - you would not have been happy half a year - unless you sunk to that lowest notion of happiness which I know you would not lose for – at least your better nature would not. Rise up my own Ben – turn over a new leaf - this new year - try & control your mind - try & live for Sister & for all the rest of those that love you – not one of them but is glad & thankful that you are not going to marry Julia – everybody who saw her, said you were not suited for one another – that good as she was in her way - she did not deserve my Ben - & never could have made him really happy – or what is more – have raised him & made him good – Try & think so. Try & love somebody who will. Or rather, first let love alone for a bit & take to friendship & duty & work. – It is not too late. Nothing is too late while you are alive. – Break a straggle - work & get out of your own company – it is not good for you – Here’s the introduction I spoke of – when you go to Lareto deliver it - the gentleman is a nice friendly fellow & speaks English. If you were safe across the Albis Pass it might do you good to go late Lurets & have a little change sometimes. – You can walk a little now, I suppose. Is it very cold? I am afraid the snow will hurt your eyes – couldn’t you wear gauze spectacles – which Cooper told me you ought – & that gauze is better than a glass - black or blue gauze. – You could surely get them at Lareto – I am sure it would be a good idea – for the snow must dazzle so on your walks. Perhaps that is partly the cause of your eyes being worse. – It is so good of you to write as plainly as you do – & Ben you’ll forgive Sister if she has done the same, & especially if anything written vexed you – think how I love you – & how you are all my hope & all my pride – I know you will fight through – – Christmas-day - I cannot send this till Wednesday, I find - on account of getting & sending the money – which will be only ￡16 – because there is no getting the other ￡10 for a week or two – but you shall have it then – Don’t ever talk about “trusting” – “all mine is thine - & thine is mine” – you know that – It has been a quiet rather sad Xmas Christmas – a pelting wet day. I slept at Minna’s last night – she was so grieved about your eyes – She & May will write you on New years day - they had not time this week. – I have had a good many Xmas Christmas letters - & little presents – Minna gave me colour & crafts & May a rag of her hair. – I fear my letter came before Xmas Christmas - & that this morning my Ben had no Xmas Christmas letter – But Peter thought of this - very first thing - & tried to be hopeful about him - as indeed we ought to be – We have gone through so much that we need fear little – Anything is bearable so that you are not in Australia. – Oh Ben. Try & put this love away – & live for Sister – nobody can love you as she does – at least not till the right love comes – as it will come – a higher & happier love than ever you fancied in your youth. I am afraid I am prosy, & repeat things & bother you – but my mind is so full of you – you must forgive. – Bessy sends you pa paper – with great apparent pleasure & pride this Xmas Christmas morning. I had a sad letter from Mrs Dobell – Edmund sails for America on the 20th Jan January – & his mother may never see him again. It is a terrible blow to her – but she bears up. – They have a very sad & solemn Xmas Christmas at Detmore – Everybody almost seems in trouble this Xmas Christmas – we are but like the rest – But we shall get through – I do not feel hopeless or afraid. – I find my “religion” which you used to object to – my faith in God as Wholly Love – is stronger than ever & helps me through everything – I know it must be right. – Don’t you sometimes think - if - may be? I must run now - as time to go to the Marstons. - Oh Ben – Ben, I could cry to think I shan’t see you opposite the table – But it’s best not - Perhaps next year - we may smile at the pains of this – Oh Ben do be a good-boy – & try to trust in God – & believe that all this trouble is for not best - just a part of your “education” - you know - & use it so - & turn out a noble fellow, everybody’s pride – & Sister's most of all. – Who misses you - against your will - & wishes you a good Xmas Christmas & a happy New Year – Yes - happy - for we know not what happiness may be coming in it. – ToolboxHide page breaks Themes: Default Sleepy Time Terminal Letter from Dinah Mulock Craik to Benjamin Mulock, December 24 1855 Dinah Mulock Craik Karen Bourrier Dinah Mulock Craik: A Digital Archive University of Calgary Karen Bourrier Transcription July 2020 by Kiana Wong Proofing of transcription August 2020 by Sonia Jarmula TEI encoding July 2020 by Kiana Wong Proofing of TEI encoding August 2020 by Sonia Jarmula First digital edition in TEI, date: July 2020. P5. Dinah Mulock Craik: A Digital Archive Calgary, Alberta, Canada 2020 Reproduced by courtesy of the University of California at Los Angeles . Distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License Dinah Mulock Craik: A Digital Archive University of California at Los Angeles Charles E. Young Research Library Mulock Family Papers 846 Letter from Dinah Mulock Craik to Benjamin Mulock, December 24 1855 Box 1, Folder 8 Our aim in this edition has been to transcribe the content of the letters as accurately as possible without reproducing the physical appearance of the manuscript. Craik’s spelling, punctuation, underlining, superscripts, abbreviations, additions and deletions are retained, except for words which are hyphenated at the end of a line, which we have silently emended. Where Craik uses a non-standard spelling, we have encoded both her spelling and the standard Oxford English Dictionary spelling to facilitate searching. The long s is not encoded. Sunday – 24 – Dec. December – 1855 My dearest Ben You were quite right & very good to tell Sister the worst. She doesn’t mind. She isn’t afraid. She will help you to bear anything. I felt sure your eyes would be worse after getting that letter. Don’t you see, it is your nervous temperament – which insists upon them. This just shows it – as lots of facts have shown before – you must not expect the slightest change in them for a long while. If you have sight enough to write & read a letter - & go about - all right – we must be very glad & thankful for even that. We know – as far as we can know – that in all human probability they will notget worse - you will notlose your sight. At least that is what I understood from you of the doctor’s opinion – And you have before you the first of the young man who was cured. – The present is an unbearable evil which we must bear & make the best of - but please God we need not be afraid of the future - I am not - you must give water cure a fair trial – For Mabeth’s Dr Lane told me - was a short trial, after long standing ailments - & you have not tried it for three yet. – You shall try it for a year if necessary - live a wholesome sanitary life for a year – a thing you never did since you were born – You have played me very – shy with your constitution Ben – & so have I - but it’s not too late to mend - you musn’t expect Nature to do more than she can do – poor ill-used soul – I don’t. – Give her fair play. – We have plenty of money between us – about circular notes I’ll write presently – to hold out for a long time yet – Think how much worse off we might have been. – And by steady dogged perseverance – stopping when my head won’t work, & going on when it will – John gets on step by step – & will be done in time. Then you know I need not work for at least a year nor you either. – Only that I do believe if only you have sight enough for it – you would be better & happier with a little surveying to do – It would keep you from thinking – save you from your own company – perhaps help you to get well. – Since you & I both know that there is much more wrong with our minds than our bodies – & if we look after the first the second will look after itself pretty well. – Of course it’s no use conning ourselves that this is a jolly Xmas Christmas - it isn’t – but it might have been worse. I might have been as I was last year – unable to walk the street’s length – Now I can walk to Kensal Green & back. – You might have been wretched at home with no money to go abroad – nor to get advice for your eyes – no prospect of work in the spring – no nice Albisbrunn with mankind to play blindman’s-buff - & young pairs to look at. – & no Sister to love you better than a dozen Julias – Don’t you see how many compensations you have? – You must look to them, Ben. You must not give in – It’s “unworthy a man & a Briton” – I know you won’t give in. I know it was only the first desponding - which is awful to bear – But it passes away. – In what you say about Julia you mistake. She is to blame – Any thoroughly noble-hearted woman would say so. – And what you say about it’s being too late is the fault your own – is a mistake too – It is not your fault – Any girl who ever could have loved you, or deserved your love, would have loved you after all your letters home – and after your coming home this year. You did every single thing you could do – If she had really been the girl I thought she was growing into, & the girl I truly loved last year – she never would have even first engaged – or then have broken it. – She would have broken it, whether or no. – I’ll tell you what I never have told you because it was no business of mine & you wouldn’t have believed it either – but I’ll tell you a conversation we had that night at Gravesend – She said first “that she doesn’t see the use of your being engaged - that it made Ben no happier & only fretted her – Also - what was the good of people being engaged unless they could be immediately married” – I usually suggested that they might comfort & love one another – “No” – she said – “not unless they were always together – People changed so when they were absent. She wanted a lover who would come to tea very often, & make love - & make himself agreeable – It was no use being engaged to somebody whom one rarely ever saw.” – I hinted something about love being good for both that could not stand absence – “well then she supposed her love for Ben was not of the right sort - when he was present she felt very fond of him - but when he went away the love gradually went away too & she began to be occupied with other things – In fact - if she really went away she should most certainly break her engagement” – I felt downright sick at heart – also my love for her seemed to turn – because this sort of thing is so unworthy of any woman – speaking of any man that loved her, whether she liked him or no – and to his own sister likewise. – If she had been anybody else I should have told her a piece of my mind - but being Julia - I held my tongue. – Then we talked about Amberley & I told her all my reasons for going. She only said - “very well - but if we did go she should most certainly break her engagement - For she could not trust herself to keep true to any man whom she saw so little of – Polly had changed - & so might she.” – so of course I said no more but gave up Amberley. – That was the real reason for my giving it up – I never told you. – But it made me very miserable for a long time - to think of all Julia said - you being ill & helpless & in terror of your sight – almost any girl who loved you only as a friend would have kept to her engagement rather than have broken it in your trouble. – Don’t think me unjust – think how hard it was to keep all this in for after that night at Gravesend I never felt quite the same to her – she came out to me then as a woman truly comes out to another woman – they don’t with men. – Not that I think she meant any worse or worse any worse than nine girls out of ten – She is very good & beautiful & conscientious – would make a capital wife - for an ordinary man. – But she is not the woman that a man like my Ben ought to go & ruin his life for. – It would be wrong - it would be a sin - a sin toward God in the first place - towards his sister, & towards also the good women that do love him. – Forgive my telling you this – & my telling you about that talk at Gravesend - which I never meant to do – because of course you would not believe it & won’t now - but it is the truth. – almost word for word – for it was such a dreadful pain that I was not likely to forget it. – Also she seemed so perfectly unconscious that she was saying anything but what was quite right & good – why, Minna or Marian or Annette - or Fanny Martin, or Georgie Craik or any of the thoroughly wantonly women which you know, would never have dreamed of saying such things of the most ordinary young man who ever took a fancy to them. – Don’t you see - Ben? Won’t your pride rise! Don’t be talking of “too late” - & it’s being your own fault – It is not. You did everything you could – & God knows I had to help you – to get the thing you wanted – which you could not have - & which – for you – is not right you should have – If you had married her - you would not have been happy half a year - unless you sunk to that lowest notion of happiness which I know you would not lose for – at least your better nature would not. Rise up my own Ben – turn over a new leaf - this new year - try & control your mind - try & live for Sister & for all the rest of those that love you – not one of them but is glad & thankful that you are not going to marry Julia – everybody who saw her, said you were not suited for one another – that good as she was in her way - she did not deserve my Ben - & never could have made him really happy – or what is more – have raised him & made him good – Try & think so. Try & love somebody who will. Or rather, first let love alone for a bit & take to friendship & duty & work. – It is not too late. Nothing is too late while you are alive. – Break a straggle - work & get out of your own company – it is not good for you – Here’s the introduction I spoke of – when you go to Lareto deliver it - the gentleman is a nice friendly fellow & speaks English. If you were safe across the Albis Pass it might do you good to go late Lurets & have a little change sometimes. – You can walk a little now, I suppose. Is it very cold? I am afraid the snow will hurt your eyes – couldn’t you wear gauze spectacles – which Cooper told me you ought – & that gauze is better than a glass - black or blue gauze. – You could surely get them at Lareto – I am sure it would be a good idea – for the snow must dazzle so on your walks. Perhaps that is partly the cause of your eyes being worse. – It is so good of you to write as plainly as you do – & Ben you’ll forgive Sister if she has done the same, & especially if anything written vexed you – think how I love you – & how you are all my hope & all my pride – I know you will fight through – – Christmas-day - I cannot send this till Wednesday, I find - on account of getting & sending the money – which will be only ￡16 – because there is no getting the other ￡10 for a week or two – but you shall have it then – Don’t ever talk about “trusting” – “all mine is thine - & thine is mine” – you know that – It has been a quiet rather sad Xmas Christmas – a pelting wet day. I slept at Minna’s last night – she was so grieved about your eyes – She & May will write you on New years day - they had not time this week. – I have had a good many Xmas Christmas letters - & little presents – Minna gave me colour & crafts & May a rag of her hair. – I fear my letter came before Xmas Christmas - & that this morning my Ben had no Xmas Christmas letter – But Peter thought of this - very first thing - & tried to be hopeful about him - as indeed we ought to be – We have gone through so much that we need fear little – Anything is bearable so that you are not in Australia. – Oh Ben. Try & put this love away – & live for Sister – nobody can love you as she does – at least not till the right love comes – as it will come – a higher & happier love than ever you fancied in your youth. I am afraid I am prosy, & repeat things & bother you – but my mind is so full of you – you must forgive. – Bessy sends you pa paper – with great apparent pleasure & pride this Xmas Christmas morning. I had a sad letter from Mrs Dobell – Edmund sails for America on the 20th Jan January – & his mother may never see him again. It is a terrible blow to her – but she bears up. – They have a very sad & solemn Xmas Christmas at Detmore – Everybody almost seems in trouble this Xmas Christmas – we are but like the rest – But we shall get through – I do not feel hopeless or afraid. – I find my “religion” which you used to object to – my faith in God as Wholly Love – is stronger than ever & helps me through everything – I know it must be right. – Don’t you sometimes think - if - may be? I must run now - as time to go to the Marstons. - Oh Ben – Ben, I could cry to think I shan’t see you opposite the table – But it’s best not - Perhaps next year - we may smile at the pains of this – Oh Ben do be a good-boy – & try to trust in God – & believe that all this trouble is for not best - just a part of your “education” - you know - & use it so - & turn out a noble fellow, everybody’s pride – & Sister's most of all. – Who misses you - against your will - & wishes you a good Xmas Christmas & a happy New Year – Yes - happy - for we know not what happiness may be coming in it. – Metadata TAPAS Title:Letter from Dinah Mulock Craik to Benjamin Mulock, 24 December 1855Title:Letter from Dinah Mulock Craik to Benjamin Mulock, December 24 1855Author/Creator:Dinah Mulock Craik (Author)Contributor:Karen Bourrier (Editor)Dinah Mulock Craik: A Digital Archive (Sponsor)University of Calgary (Sponsor)Karen Bourrier (Research team head)Kiana Wong (Transcription July 2020 by)Sonia Jarmula (Proofing of transcription August 2020 by)Kiana Wong (TEI encoding July 2020 by)Sonia Jarmula (Proofing of TEI encoding August 2020 by)Imprint:First digital edition in TEI, date: July 2020. P5. - Calgary, Alberta, Canada : Dinah Mulock Craik: A Digital Archive, 2020Type of resource:TextGenre:Texts (document genres) Files TEI File: UCLADM30.xml Project Details Project: Digital Dinah CraikCollection: Mulock Family Papers at the University of California at Los Angeles
