In Cineam 23.
Whē Cineas comes amōgſt his friends in morning
He ſliely lookes who firſt his cap doth moue:
Him he ſalutes, the reſt ſo glimly ſcorning,
As if for euer they had loſt his loue.
I knowing how it doth the humour fit,
Of this fond gull to be ſaluted firſt:
catch at my cap, but moue it not a whit:
Which perceiuing he ſeemes ſo ſpite to burſt.
But cineas, why expect you more of me,
Then I of you’ I am as good a man,
And better too by many a quallitie
For vault, and daunce, & fence & rime I can,
You keep a whore at your own charg men tel me
Indeede friend Cineas therein you excell me.
In Gallum 24
Gallus hath bin this Sommer time in Frieſland,
And now returned he ſpeakes ſuch warlike wordes
As if I coulde their Engliſh vnderſtand,
I feare me they would cut my Throat like ſwordes
He talks of counterſcarfes and caſomates,
Of parapets, of curteneys and Pallizadojs,
Of flankers, Rauelings, gabions he prates,
And of falſe brayes, & fallies & ſcaladoſe:
But
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But to require ſuch gulling termes as theſe,
With wordes of my profeſſion I replie:
I tel of foorching, vouchers, and counterpleas,
Of Wichernams, eſſoynes, and champartie.
ſo neyther of vs vnderſtanding eyther,
We part as wiſe as when we came together.
In Decium 25
Audacious Painters haue nine worthies made.
But Poet Decius more audacious farre,
Making his miſtres march with men of warre,
With title of tenth worthlie doth her lade,
Me thinkes that gul did vſe his termes as fit,
which termde his loue a Giant for hir wit.
In Gellam 26
If gellas beautie be examined
ſhe hath a dull dead eye, a ſaddle noſe,
An ill ſhapte face, with morpheu ouerſpread,
and rotten Teeth with ſhe in laughing ſhowes.
Brieflie ſhe is the filthyeſt wench in Towne,
of all that do the art of whooring vfe:
But when ſhe hath put on her ſattin gowne,
Her out lawne apron, & her veluevt ſhooes.
Her
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Her greene ſilk ſtockings, and her peticoate,
Of Taffatie, with golden frindge a-rounde:
And is withall perfumed with ciuet hot,
which doth her valiant ſtinking breath confounde
Yet ſhe with theſe addicions is no more,
Then a ſweete, filthe, fine ill fauored whoore.
In Sillam 27
Silla is often challenged to the fielde,
To anſwere like a gentleman his foes,
but when doth he his only anſwere yeelde,
That he hath liuings & faire landes to loſe.
Silla, if none but beggars valiant were,
The king of ſpaine woulde put vs all in feare.
In Sillam 28
Who dares affirme that Silla dare not fight?
when I dare ſweare he dares aduenture more,
Then the moſt braue, moſt all daring wight:
That euer armes with reſollucion bore.
He that dare touch the moſt vnholſome whoore,
That euer was retirde into the ſpittle:
and dares court wenches ſtanding at a dore,
The porcion of his wit being paſſing litle.
He
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He that dares giue his deereſt friendes offeuces,
which other valiant fooles do feare to do:
and when a feuer doth confounde his fences,
dare eate raw biefe, & drinke ſtrong wine thereto.
He that dares take Tobacco on the ſtage,
dares man a whore at noon-day throgh the ſtreet
dares daunce in Powles, & in this formall age,
dares ſay & do what euer is vnmeete.
Whom feare of ſhame coulde neuer yet affright,
Who dares affirme that Silla dares not fight?
In Haywodum 29
Haywood which in Epigrams did excell,
Is now put down ſince my light muſe aroſe:
As buckets are put downe into a well,
Or as a ſchoole-boy putteth downe his hoſe.
In Dacum 30
Amongſt the Poets Dacus numbred is,
Yet could he neuer make an engliſh rime,
but ſome proſe ſpeeches I haue hearde of his,
which haue bin ſpoken man a dundreth time.
The man that keepes the Eliphant hath one,
wherein he tels the wonders of the beaſt.
3
An
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An other Bankes pronounced long agoe,
when he his curtalls qualities expreſt:
He firſt taught him that keepes the monuments,
At Weſtminſter his formall tale to ſay.
And alſo him with Puppets repreſents,
and alſo him which with the Ape doth play
Though all his poetrre be like to this,
Amongst the Poets numbred is.
In Priſcum 31
VVhhen Priſcus raiſde from low to high eſtate.
Rode through the ſtreete in pompous iollitie,
Caius his poore famillier friende of late,
be-ſpake him thus, Sir now you know not me:
Tis likely friende (quoth Priſcus) to be ſo,
For at this time my ſelfe I do not know.
In Brunum 32
Brunus which thinkes him ſelfe a faire ſweet youth
is Thirtie nine yeeres of age at leaſt:
Yet was he neuer to confeſſe the truth,
but a dry ſtarueling when he was at beſt.
This gull was ſick of ſhew his night cap fine,
and his wrought Pillow onerſpred with lawne:
but hath bin well ſince his griefes cauſe hath line,
At Trollups by ſaint Clements church in pawne.
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In Francum 33
When Francus comes to ſollace with his whoore
He ſends for rods and ſtrips himſelſe ſtark naked:
For his luſt ſleepes, and will not riſe before,
by whipping of the wench it be awaked.
I enui him not, but wiſh he had the powre,
To make my ſelfe his wench but one halfe houre
In Caſtorem 34
Ofſpeaking well, why do we learne the skill,
Hoping thereby honor and wealth to gaine.
Sith rayling Caſtor doth by ſpeaking ill,
Oppinion of much wit, and golde obtaine.
In Septimum 35
Septimus liues, and is like Garlicke ſeene,
for though his head be white, his blade is greene.
This olde mad coult deſerues a Martires praiſe,
For he was burned in Queen Maries dayes.
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Of Tobacco 36
Homer of Moly, and Nepenthe ſings,
Moly the Gods moſt ſoueraigne hearbe diuine.
Nepenthe Hekens drinke with gladnes brings,
harts griefe expells, & doth the wits refine.
but this our age an other worlde hath founde,
frõ whēce an hearb of heauēly power is brought,
Moly is not ſo ſoueraigne for a wounde,
nor hath Nepenthe ſo great wonders wrought.
It is Tobacco, whoſe ſweet ſubſtanciall fume,
The helliſh torment of the Teeth doth eaſe
By drawing downe,& drying vp the rume,
The mother and the nurſ of ech diſeaſe.
it is Tobacco which doth colde expell,
and cleeres the obſtructions of the arteries,
and ſurfets threathning death digeſteth well,
decocting all the ſtomacks crudities.
It is Tobacco which hath power to clarifie,
The clowdie miſtes before dim eies appearing,
It is Tobacco which hath power to rarefie, (ring,
The thick groſe humor which doth ſtop the hea-
The waſting Hectick and the quartaine feuer,
which doth of Phiſick make a mockerie:
The gowt it cures,& helps il breaths for euer,
Whether the cauſe in Teeth or ſtomacke be.
And
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And though ill breaths, were by it but confounded
Yet that medicine it doth far excell,
Which by ſir Thomas Moore hath bin propoũded.
For this is thought a gentleman-like ſmell,
O that I were one of thieſe mountie bankes,
which praiſe their oyles, & pouders which they ſel
my cuſtomers would giue me coyne with thankes
I for this ware, forſooth a Tale would tell,
Yet would I vſe none of theſe tearmes before,
I would but ſay, that it the pox wil cure:
This were inough, without diſcourſing more,
All our braue gallants in the towne t’alure,
In Craſſum 37>
Craſſus his lies are not pernitious lies,
But pleaſant fictions, hurtfull vnto none:
But to himſelfe, for no man counts him wiſe,
To tell for truth, that which for falſe is knowne.
he ſweares that Caunt is threeſcore miles about,
and that the bridge at Paris on the Seine,
is the of ſuch thicknes, lēgth & breadth, throghout
that ſixſcore arches can it ſcarſe ſuſtaine
He ſwears he ſaw ſo great a dead mans ſcull,
At Canterbury digde out of the grounde:
That
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That woulde containe of wheat, three buſhels ful
And that in Kent, are twentie yeomen founde,
Of which the pooreſt euery yeere diſpendes,
Fiue thouſand pound theſe & v. thouſand moe,
So oft he hath recited to his friendes,
that now himſelfe, perſwades himſelfe tis ſo:
But why doth Craſſus tel his lies ſo riſe,
Of bridges, Townes, and things that haue no life.
He is a lawyer, and doth wel eſpie,
That for ſuch lies an action will not lie.
In philonem 38
Philo the lawyer and the fortune teller,
The ſchoolemaiſter, the midwife & the bawde,
The conjurer, the buyer and the ſeller,
Of painting which with breathing wil be thawde.
doth practiſe Phiſicke, & his credite growes,
as doth the ballade-ſingers auditorie.
which hath at Tēple bar his ſtanding choſe,
and to the vnlger ſings an ale-houſe ſtorie.
Firſt ſtandes a Porter, then an Oyſter wife,
Doth ſtint her crie, & ſtay her ſteps to heare him,
Then comes a cutpurſe ready with a Knife,
and then a cuntrey Client paſſeth neere him,
There ſtāds the Cunſtable, there ſtāds the whore.
And harkning to the ſong mark not ech other.
There
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There by the Serieant ſtandes the debtor poore,
and doth no more miſtruſt him then his brother:
Thus Orpheus o ſuch hearers giueth Muſique,
And Philo to ſuch Patients giueth phiſicke.
In Fuſcum 39
Fuſcus is free, and hath the worlde at will,
Yet in the course of the life the he doth leade:
hees like a horſe which turning rounde a mill,
doth alwaies in the ſeife ſame circle treade:
Firſt he doth rise at x. and at eleuen
He goes to Gilles, where he doth eate til one,
Then ſees he a play till ſixe, & ſups at ſeauen,
And after ſupper, ſtraight to bed is gone.
and there til tenne next day he doth remine,
and then he dines, then ſees a commedie:
and then he ſuppes, & goes to bed againe,
Thus rounde he runs without varietie:
Saue that, ſometimes he comes not to the play,
But falls into a whoore houſe on the way.
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In Afrum 40
The ſmell feaſt after, Trauailes to the Burſe
Twice euery day the flying newes to heare,
which when he hath no money in his purſe,
To richmens Tables he doth often beare:
He tels how Gronigen is taken in,
by the braue conduct of illuſtrious Vere:
and how the ſpainiſh forces Breſt would win.
but that they do Victorious Norris feare.
No ſooner is a ſhip at Sea ſurpriſde,
but ſtraight he learnes the newes & doth diſcloſe
faire written in a ſcrowle he hath the names, (it,
of all the widowes which the plague hath made.
and perſons, Times & places, ſtill he frames,
To euery Tale, the better to perſwade:
We cal him Fame, for that the wide-mouth ſlaue,
will eate as faſt as he wil vtter lies
For Fame is ſaide an hundreth mouthes to haue,
And he eates more than woulde fiue ſcore ſuffice.
In
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In paulum 41
By lawful mart, & by vnlawful ſtealth,
Paules in ſpite of enuie fortunate:
Deriues out of the Oceans of much wealth,
as he may well maintaine a Lordes eſtate.
But on the lande a little gulfe there is,
wherein he drowneth all the wealth of his.
In Licum 42
Lycus which lately is to Venice gone,
ſhall if he do returne, gaine 3 for one:
But x to one, his knowledg and his wit,
vvil not be bettered or increaſde a vvhit.
In Publium 43
Publius ſtudent at the common lavv,
oft leaues his bookes, & for his recreation:
To Paris garden doth himſelf Withdravve,
Where he is rauiſht vvith ſuch delectation
as dovvne amongſt the Beares & dogges he goes,
vvere vvhilſt he skipping cries to head, To head.
His satten doublet & his veluet hoſe,
Are all vvith ſpittle from aboue be-ſpread.
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When he is like a Fathers cuntrey hall,
ſtinking vvith dogges,& muted all vvith haukes,
And rightly too on him this filth doth fall,
Which for ſuch filthie ſpots his bookes forſake,
Leauing olde Ployden, Dier &, Brooke alone,
To ſee olde Harry Hunkes & Sacariſon.
In Silliam 44
When I this propofition had defended,
A covvarde cannot be an honeſt man,
Thou Silla ſeemeſt foorthvvith to be offended
And holdes the contrarie & ſvveres he can.
But when I tel thee that he will forſake
his deareſt friend, in perill of his life,
Thou then art changde & ſaiſt thou didſt miſtake,
and ſo we ende our argument & ſtrife.
Yet I thinke oft, & thinke I thinke aright,
Thy argument argues thou wilt not fight.
In Dacum 45
Dacus with ſome good collour & pretence,
Tearmes his loues beautie ſilent eloquence:
For ſhe doth lay more collours on her face,
Then euer Tullie vſde hig ſpeech to grace.
In
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In Marcum 46
Why doſt thou Marcus in thy miſerie,
Raile & blaſpheme, & call the heauens vn-kinde,
The heauens draw no Kindeneſſe vnto thee,
Thou haſt the heauens ſo litle in thy minde,
For in thy life thou neuer vſeſt prayer,
But at primero, to encounter faire.
Meditations of Gull. 47
See yonder melancholie gentleman,
Which hoode-winked with his hat, alone doth ſit,
Thinke what he thinkes & tell me if you can,
VVhat great affaires troubles his litle wit.
he thinkes not of the war twixt France & ſpaine,
VVhether it be for Europs good or ill,
Nor whether the Empire can itſelfe maintaine,
Againſt the Turkiſh power encroching ſtil.
Nor what great Towne in all the nether landes,
The ſtarres determine to beſiege this ſpring
Nor how the ſcottiſh pollicie now ſtandes,
Nor what becomes of ths Iriſh mutining.
But he doth ſeriouſlie bethinke him whether
Of the guld people he be more eſteemde,
For his long cloake, or his great blacke Feather,
By which each gull is now a gallant deemde.
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Or of a Iourney he deliberates,
To Paris garden cocke-pit or the play:
Or how to ſteale a dogge he meditates,
Or what he he ſhall vnto his miſtris ſay:
Yet with theſe Thoughts he thinks himſelfe moſt
To be of Counſell with a King for wit. (fit
Ad Muſam 48.
Peace idle muſe,, haue done, for it is time,
Since Lowſie Ponticus enfues my fame,
And ſweares the better ſort are much to blame
To make me ſo wel knowne for ill rime
Yet Bankes his horſe is better known then he,
ſo are the Cammels & the weſterne hog,
And ſo is Lepidus hie printed dogge.
why doth not Ponticus thier fames enuie.
Beſides this muſe of mine,& the black fether.
grew both together freſh in eſtimation,
and both growne ſtale, were caſt away togither:
What fame is this that ſcarſe laſts out of faſhion.
Onely this laſt in credit doth remaine,
That frõ henceforth, ech baſtard caſt forth rime
Which doth but fauour of a Libel vaine.
ſhal call me father, and be thought my crime,
ſo dull & with ſo litle fence endude,
is my groſe headed iudge the multitude.
FINNIS. I,D.
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IGNOTO.
I loue thee not for ſacred chaſtstie,
who loues for that nor for thy ſprightly wit:
I loue thee not for thy ſweete modeſtie,
Which makes thee in perfections throane to ſit.
I loue thee not for thy inchaunting eye,
Thy beautie rauiſhing perfection:
I loue thee nor for vnchaſt luxurie,
Nor for thy bodies faire proportion.
I loue thee not for that my ſoule doth daunce,
And leap with peaſure when thoſe lips of thine:
giue Muſicall and gracefull vtterance,
To ſome (by thee made happie) poets line.
I loue thee not for voice or ſlender ſmall,
But wilt thou know wherefore faire ſweet for all.
Faith(wench) I cannot court thy ſprightly eyes,
wich the baſe Viall places betweene my Thighes
I cannot liſpe, nor to ſome Fiddle ſing,
Nor run vpon a high ſtrecht Minikin.
I cannot whine in puling Elegies,
Intombing Cupid with ſad obſsquies.
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I am not faſhioned for theſe amorous times,
To court thy beutie with laſciuious rimes.
I cannot dally, caper, daunce and ſing,
Oyling my ſaint with ſupple ſonneting.
I cannot croſſe my armes, or ſigh ay me,
Ay me Forlorne egregious Fopperie.
I cannot buſſthy fill, play with thy hayre,
Swearing by loue, Thou art moſt debonaire.
not I by Cock, but ſhall tel rhee roundly, ſoũdly
harke in thine eare, zounds I can ( ) thee.
Sweet wench I loue thee, yet I will not ſue,
Or ſhew my loue as muskie Courtiers doe,
Ile not carouſe health to honor thee,
In this ſame bezi drunken curtefie.
and when als quaſde, eate vp my bowſing glaſſe.
In glory that I am thy feruile aſſe.
nor wil I weare a rotten burbon locke.
as ſome ſworne peſant to a female ſmock.
wel featurde laſſe, Thou knoweſt I loue the deere
Yet for thy ſake I will not bore mine eare
To hang thy durtie ſilken ſhootires there.
nor for thy loue wil I once gnaſh a brick,
Or ſome pied collours in by bonnet ſtiche.
but by the chaps of hell to do thee good,
Ile freely ſpend my Thriſe decocted bloud.
FINIS.
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